It's funny that such a small gesture could mean so much to me and most likely so little to you.
I still miss you sometimes but i know i shouldn't. I know i shouldn't think too much of this. it's like hearing your voice and looking back to see that you're not there, as has always been. I was just hoping. As i always do. And i wish that some day, for once, you'll be there. Or someone will be there. Something.
I miss you and i don't know how to tell you and i shouldn't because of a lot of reasons and one of those reasons being it never was the same for you anyway, what's the point, i'm just breaking my own heart.

Looking at things, not seeing the end...
How much longer do i have to keep trudging on...

Didn't know i'm this reliant on my phone until now.
Still miss my phone... i haven't really felt any attraction to any other new phone just yet... still feels like such a pathetic mistake to lose mine...

God help me i have absolutely no life left

Sleep. Keep sleeping
I still miss you. I wonder where you are.

I miss you.

I cannot control my diabetes even when i think i can... im so tired of this...

I didn't notice that it was already 1am. Now it's 2.39am and my brain's... i'm sleepy but like my mind is trying to stay awake. Like something in there is saying it's not yet time to sleep. But i'm looking at the time and i know i need to sleep or i'll be groggy again tomorrow.
I think my experiments with fasting and food are talking a bit of a toll - is it a toll or is it a good thing?? - on my body. Weird.
And... i have no one to tell this to. Because i feel like i'm becoming more and more selfish. Most of the words that come out of my mouth sound like uninformed opinions based only on what *i* feel. I don't want to interact anymore but i also wish someone would just understand.

I dreamed about you twice. You were always appearing beside someone that has caught my attention somehow. Either friends with them or just switching faces with them. I think my subconscious is trying to compare you to them. But my attention always shifts to you, if you're still there. Or places you there.
But you never really notice me at all. No interaction whatsoever. You're just there, talking with someone. Or you shift away everytime you look at me, and it changes to someone else.
I wonder if i mean anything to you, the same way you mean something to me. I miss you but i'm not sure if i miss the nothingness. Sometimes i wish the missing wasn't there, didn't exist. It must feel better to just be empty, if everytime i miss you, i remember being nothing to you.

yung tuwing nakikita mo sya, para kang sinasampal sa mukha.

im happy that you have a good life.

im sad that i will never be able to give you that life.

im happy that we are not together or else you would have been so frustrated.

im sad that we are not together.

im sad that even if we are not together, i still would not be able to live the life that you are living.

i don't know if i'll ever be able to, but if that love does not come to fruition - and no, it doesn't even have to be *our* love, just my love of that life - then it would be better to just be dead...