Man is like a tree.

We become more beautiful through age.

some more spontaneous comvulsions...

i discovered that milo is too dull and watery for my taste.

what the hell?!?

why are there some people who keep pushing their beliefs into your brain forcefully? parang yung pinag-aralan namin sa AdPrac, yung IMC. Yung IMC kasi, yun yung makuliiiiiiiiiiit na uri ng advertising, wherein tatae ka nalang sa CR may makikita ka pang mini-poster sa pintuan kaya habang umiire ka nagbabasa ka rin ng ad nila (kaya palaki nang palaki ang benta ng eyeglasses and contacts eh.)

may iba kasing tao na, yes they don't do it forcefully AND directly, but they do it forcefully in an, ika nga, "nice" way. yung tipong may idadagdag pang, "sana di kita naistorbo sa mga sinabi ko..." or "sana di ka mainis sakin" or "sana di ka naoffend sa sinabi ko." Well, to tell you the truth, naiinis na ako sa IYO (hindi sa mga sinasabi mo), naiistorbohan na ko SAYO (hindi sa mga sinasabi mo) at thank God pero di naman ako naooffend.

kasi naman, kapag sinabi kong IBA TAYO, malinaw na yun, mas malinaw pa dapat sa araw, mas malinaw pa sa hangin sa labas ng mundo natin (hindi ko sasabihing hangin sa maynila kasi malala na polusyon dito), na AYAW KO NANG MAKINIG. PLEASE. kasi naman pinagpipilitan mong sumali ako sa group sessions niyo, sorry pero AYAW KO NGA. bakit ba ang kulit mo?! i have my own reasons for not joining and i don't care kung sa inyo and ibigsabihin nun eh mapupunta na ko sa impyerno! i have my own beliefs na kahit kelan ay hindi ko pinagdildilan sa mukha mo! ok na sana yung nagkekwento ka lang eh, take ko pa, pero ngayon? nako, NANG-AAKIT na tawag dyan eh. tapos me sasabihin ka pang dapat ang point of view eh yung Bible? ang kapal mo nga rin naman na Bible pa gagamitin mong dahilan. hayop ka. sa tingin ko nga kung may isang pari sa inyo na nagplano ng world domination siguro susunduin niyo rin yun lalo na kapag may tinuro sya sa Bible na parang "it is a fight against evil". Diyos ko po.

Honestly, right at this moment, pwedeng-pwede kong piliin maging atheist or polytheist. mas madali pa buhay. pero hindi kasi may paninindigan ako sa relationship namin ni Lord. nag-uusap kami kahit anong oras nang araw. may times na down ako, kausapin ko lang sya ok na kasi sumasagot naman sya sakin. tapos ngayon sisirain mo pa yung routine namin para lang masama ko sa fellowship niyo? sus. di na. mas ok na to. bakit di mo nalang kumbinsihin yung mga muslim at jew dun sa middle east at nang maconvert sila lahat to Christianity? tingnan natin kung sino mas matibay ang paniniwala.

And one more thing...hindi porque majority ang sumasang-ayon sa isang desisyon, yun din ang gusto ni Lord. kaya yung fellowship niyong yan, oo effective yan para sa personal sharing and uplifting and support para di ka tumiwalag sa faith mo, pero hindi necessarily effective yan sa pagdedesisyon at pagiinterpret kung ano ba talaga yung nakasaad sa Bible.

Ako inaamin kong napakarami ko nang Sundays na namiss ang mass. dahil wala ang mass sa lifestyle namin. at inaamin kong matagal na rin akong di nagkakaron ng time for proper prayer. pero sa totoo lang hindi naman prayer and prayer kapag ginagawa mo yun dahil sa utos ng iba. iba pa rin yung kausap mo si God. Sya lang yung makakasabi sayo kung tama o mali yung ginawa mo. Sya yung nagpapaandar ng konsyensya mo.

Ngayon, sa dami ng sinabi ko dito, hindi ko to idudutdot sa muka mo. kasi IBA nga tayo eh. kung gusto mo pakinggan yung side ko, sige ikekwento ko, pero di kita hahatakin na maging parehas tayo. bahala ka kung gusto mo matulad satin. ayoko gumawa ng religion. gusto ko gumawa ng personal relationships. kahit kelan di kita pipilitin maging tulad ko. desisyon mo parin yan.

i find that i am too sensitive for the feelings of others that even the smallest hate becomes way too magnified for me to confront the person.

but sometimes i confront them and everything gets unwell.

why on earth are people making simple things more complicated?

we have a subject called Sociology 3. it tackles social ethics based on the Catholic Church's rules and regulations. one of its topics was about Hope. about a New School of Hope. about Christian Hope. i mean, Jesus...it's just hope! it's just a feeling of wanting something, wishing it will happen or wishing it will come.

whatever are these other topics about?!

...hmm...

maybe my emotional reactions arent quite trained yet to respond correctly to situations so embarassing my head couldn't even think a thought.

then again, maybe im also too forgiving to let that one go.

and flattered/exasperated as i am at that time, my skin still felt no recognition of gooseflesh or the reddening of my cheeks.

what on earth is my sensory system doing?

is there a reason for me to get mad at the world?

well guess what, i have all the reasons.

i can very much relate to Tessa Wells from the book Rosary Girls. The author/murderer's viewpoint of her is something of a loner trying to belong to a circle of friends. i think i am like that because at other times, i am clearly left out. im not blaming my friends for this. im not putting any responsibility towards them about not 'seeing' me or sumthing. i think its all because i just dont belong to their group of interest. there are times when i think that it would be best for me to become a hermit of some sort. obviously that would mean cutting out all my contact to the outside world, but then i also cant keep away from computers and the internet. if only i could be something else. not another person. i actually would want to become a wandering soul, something that goes along floating around the world, enjoying sanctity and solemnity on my own. looking at things as people have never seen them before.
so i guess i really am much more a loner, and i think im enjoying it very much.

one of the things i hate about this modern world of ours:

PLASTIC.

both literally and not literally.

i am very disturbed (negatively) by men trying to look sexy through using grip fitting shirts.

its either i like em or i hate em.

and i like rockstars :)