I only ask for a few things for christmas... a source of love - to give and to receive - and... to be remembered? I guess. But it's so hard to get these, no? It's so hard to... wish, to will, to become "someone's" priority, to mean something...
I've never felt so alone. Every christmas it gets worse. Would've been better if im actually alone.

I miss you, but it feels like youve suddenly disappeared off the face of the earth... or maybe i just cant see you through the woods anymore... youve gone off too far now. My heart is broken.

Self, don't be selfish.

I MISS YOU

Sorry kung dinadamdam ko.. malinaw naman sakin na wala akong pwedeng idemand. Kahit sa simula palang ako na nga mismo ang naglatag nun. Pero masakit parin. Kasi... pakiramdam ko napakalaki ng pagkukulang ko "as a person". Di ako marunong makipag-usap, makihalubilo. Di ako marunong pumapel o manimuno, kasi takot akong maka-offend. Takot akong masabihan na epal. User. Feeling close. Nagpupumilit. Nakikita ko yung pagkakaiba namin saka kung pano ka magrespond sa kanya. Pakiramdam ko kulang na kulang ako. Wala akong kabuhay-buhay. Naiinggit ako at nalulungkot ako na di ko yun nagawa, di ko magawa... sana makalimutan nalang kita, yung biglaan, para di ako magselos, di ko masamain yung nakikita ko, saka para maging masaya ako para sa inyo...

Wonder where you are and how you're doing...

Feeling nalilipasan ng oras...
😕🙁😔
💔🖤

I miss you.

Gaze on the emptiness that is making itself more apparent everyday
Let it sink in until you learn to cry for what is lost
But it's never really been lost. It was never even there in the first place.

I wish i can meet someone who only needs to look at me to know and unravel whatever pain it is that im feeling. I don't know why, i know it's there, but i can't fully drag it out and get it over with.
I wish i could do the same for him.

Something missing...

It's 1.50 and i dont wanna sleep because im waiting for something new and different and an indication of life from you some sort of reaction to that but theres none
Theres none
Youre just throwing people away
I hate you for that
I hate you for being so immovable and stagnant and that mask over your beautiful face lessens your radiance and warmth
I dont even care what your reaction will be as long as theres something
But theres none
You look fcking dead

It frustrates me so much
Its like loving stone
Its crying over impossibility and my own idiocy at the same time from the same roots
It seems better to love an imaginary being

I miss you so much it hurts.