Sorry kung dinadamdam ko.. malinaw naman sakin na wala akong pwedeng idemand. Kahit sa simula palang ako na nga mismo ang naglatag nun. Pero masakit parin. Kasi... pakiramdam ko napakalaki ng pagkukulang ko "as a person". Di ako marunong makipag-usap, makihalubilo. Di ako marunong pumapel o manimuno, kasi takot akong maka-offend. Takot akong masabihan na epal. User. Feeling close. Nagpupumilit. Nakikita ko yung pagkakaiba namin saka kung pano ka magrespond sa kanya. Pakiramdam ko kulang na kulang ako. Wala akong kabuhay-buhay. Naiinggit ako at nalulungkot ako na di ko yun nagawa, di ko magawa... sana makalimutan nalang kita, yung biglaan, para di ako magselos, di ko masamain yung nakikita ko, saka para maging masaya ako para sa inyo...

Wonder where you are and how you're doing...

Feeling nalilipasan ng oras...
😕🙁😔
💔🖤

I miss you.

Gaze on the emptiness that is making itself more apparent everyday
Let it sink in until you learn to cry for what is lost
But it's never really been lost. It was never even there in the first place.

I wish i can meet someone who only needs to look at me to know and unravel whatever pain it is that im feeling. I don't know why, i know it's there, but i can't fully drag it out and get it over with.
I wish i could do the same for him.

Something missing...

It's 1.50 and i dont wanna sleep because im waiting for something new and different and an indication of life from you some sort of reaction to that but theres none
Theres none
Youre just throwing people away
I hate you for that
I hate you for being so immovable and stagnant and that mask over your beautiful face lessens your radiance and warmth
I dont even care what your reaction will be as long as theres something
But theres none
You look fcking dead

It frustrates me so much
Its like loving stone
Its crying over impossibility and my own idiocy at the same time from the same roots
It seems better to love an imaginary being

I miss you so much it hurts.

You keep getting into my dreams.

Sometimes you pass through my thoughts but it's not like it's the same as before. The pain has been numbed enough. I haveaccepted things, i guess. But still somehow you get into my dreams, and your presence there makes me wish for the past times.

I miss you still, after... 2yrs+. But i'm not sure i want to embarass myself again the way i did before. I appreciate your gentleness and kindness about it, but... i don't think you'd appreciate it, and nor would i, anymore, at the moment...

Just not finding anything new... nothing holds happiness or learning as much as anything did before.
Now im just bored. Busy but stagnant. Fading away and not using that time for something meaningful.
I dont wanna go out with anyone, friends or fam, because im a cynic. It's hard to say the right things or act the right way when you don't know what you need to do those for.
If my parents die, or if 1 of them dies, im gonna feel 3 things: grief, relief, and the graduated feeling of losing half of your life purpose. And eventually the whole of it.
It's the only thing to happen that im waiting for, but at the same time, im definitely not looking forward to it. It makes me anxious, even though it is clear in my head that it's inevitable. I wonder how things will be. I wonder how empty i would become. I wonder what else could push me to go back to "being human".