The whole shit was deleted
I just wrote that i missed your for a bit so i checked your ig, nothing new, but it made my chest ache
That theres been no one to equal you
That i feel like dying soon, as usual, and that i wanna go now because i dont think anyone cares anyway

No life.
I don't even know how to describe what i feel.
Sad seems like such a shallow word. Definitely not happy. (Although right now rather contented because still swaddled in my thick blanket.) Later it will be another direction-less day. I think sleeping the day off would be more productive.
I miss my old job. I miss feeling the buzz of deadlines and missions and the triumph of completion, seeing your work being ready to meet the world.
I also miss him but... at this point i shouldn't. There's no point to it anyway.
There's really no better word for this than "jail".

It's funny that such a small gesture could mean so much to me and most likely so little to you.
I still miss you sometimes but i know i shouldn't. I know i shouldn't think too much of this. it's like hearing your voice and looking back to see that you're not there, as has always been. I was just hoping. As i always do. And i wish that some day, for once, you'll be there. Or someone will be there. Something.
I miss you and i don't know how to tell you and i shouldn't because of a lot of reasons and one of those reasons being it never was the same for you anyway, what's the point, i'm just breaking my own heart.

Looking at things, not seeing the end...
How much longer do i have to keep trudging on...

Didn't know i'm this reliant on my phone until now.
Still miss my phone... i haven't really felt any attraction to any other new phone just yet... still feels like such a pathetic mistake to lose mine...

God help me i have absolutely no life left

Sleep. Keep sleeping
I still miss you. I wonder where you are.

I miss you.

I cannot control my diabetes even when i think i can... im so tired of this...

I didn't notice that it was already 1am. Now it's 2.39am and my brain's... i'm sleepy but like my mind is trying to stay awake. Like something in there is saying it's not yet time to sleep. But i'm looking at the time and i know i need to sleep or i'll be groggy again tomorrow.
I think my experiments with fasting and food are talking a bit of a toll - is it a toll or is it a good thing?? - on my body. Weird.
And... i have no one to tell this to. Because i feel like i'm becoming more and more selfish. Most of the words that come out of my mouth sound like uninformed opinions based only on what *i* feel. I don't want to interact anymore but i also wish someone would just understand.