Something's missing...
Where are you...

Im just feeling depressed.

in my head i want to be hit with the severe strain so that i can go now.

in my head i know that it will wreck havoc over the lives of everyone i'm with.

in my head i know that it's not guaranteed i will die, but that exact chance of deaths will apply to all these other lives, and esp that of my parents.

but in my head, i just want to go...
in my head i want to tempt fate and rush towards the so-called risk that i think of as my escape plan...

i just wish it didn't take anyone else, nor anyone else with me...

and for vain reasons i want to see that i have made a mark on people, because for selfish reasons i want my efforts to be validated, for that planted good to mark and spread, IF it is good.

if 1 or 2 people remember me, that would be happiness for me already.

if someone i love, or used to love, cries for me, that would be... something i will cherish, if i can, as long as i can... because then i know i've left a mark. such selfishness. it doesn't mean though that i didn't wish that i hadn't touched his life for him to cry for me now.

but, i'm sure it would be short-lived anyway.

i just wanna go.

I'm sleepy. I was alarmed when i saw Jul 11 and thought it is your birthday today.
No more of you left... but it doesn't make me indifferent. It just makes me sad...